My butt is allergic to Church pews.

“The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.” – Alfred Hitchcock.

I believe Mr Hitchcock was right.

I also think that we can say something similar in regards to sermons in church:

“The length of a sermon should be directly related to the endurance of the human butt.” -Wes Widner

Sadly, judging from my butt’s endurance I would be forced to conclude that sermons should not be longer than 5 minutes.

Yes, 5 minutes.

That is about how long it takes for me to start to doze off whenever I am seated in a Church pew quietly staring at the back of the person in front of me’s head, listening to a preacher deliver “God’s word” to “his congregation”.

Why is it that God gives so many preachers so many dreadfully boring messages?

One wonders if any of the prophets were so butt-numbingly boring.

Did men like Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Isiah, etc. provide temporary healing for the insomniacs of their day?

In all seriousness, I have to point out that failure to endure a sermon is one guilt trip I’ve happily left behind since discovering the whole concept of organic/house church. It is very hard to doze off when you are in a meeting where something more is expected if you than simply warming a bench while examining the back of the head of the person in front of you.

In other words, the cure to what ails my butt is open participatory church meetings like the kind found in 1 Corinthians 14 where everyone is portrayed bringing something, a song, a teaching, a word of encouragement, something to the meeting.

What then shall we say, brothers? When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church.
1 Corinthians 14:26


4 responses to “My butt is allergic to Church pews.

  1. You really need to reread that text in 1Cor 14. Stop trying to read in what you want to see like Mr. Viola does and read out what Paul intends you to see.


  2. I will part ways here with Atkerson although he is far better than your hero F.V. No, the issue is exegesis here. Your new guru's are taking this verse as Paul is commending this activity. Nothing could be further from the intent. He is saying that it is chaotic what they are doing. Check Garland's commentary (just one of many) for one on this……..

  3. I think that numb butts are an indirect result of a misplaced focus of the worship service. Butt-numbing sermons often (but not always) come from churches for which the sermon is the climax of the worship service. It's what everyone came for. Thus, it has to be long, in-depth and the preacher has the extremely difficult task of coming up with some new spin on something that has been preached every Sunday for several hundred years (I'm exaggerating a little). If the high point of the service is not a sermon but a sacrament, a direct encounter with God (every Sunday, or even every day for that matter), then we have a different story.

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